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What in the World Made Me Choose You?

Monday 18 November 2013, 16:52
By Simon Heathcote

Simon HeathcoteHave you ever wondered why you choose the partners that you do, realised you have fallen into a pattern of picking those people who are unavailable or unable to give you the love you need?

Perhaps you are even at the point of giving up on love altogether and have found it is far less trouble to stay at home, put your feet up and switch on the TV. Or maybe the marriage that started with such high hopes has drowned in a sea of anger and unresolved conflicts.

It could be far less dramatic. Often two people fail to face their issues and drift off into separate lives, staying together for security or the sake of the children. Left without any answers, most just give up and settle for less than they deserve.

I have spent 25 years grappling with these and other relationship issues, both in my often stormy personal life and in my professional world as a therapist, latterly spending six years as sex and love addiction therapist at The Priory Hospital in London.

What I have discovered is that more than any other thing each of us wants to love and be loved. It is built into our DNA, and if we don't find the love and comfort we need with our partners, we will look elsewhere to get our needs met: affairs, food, drinking and drugging, overspending and overworking, to name a few.

But these are all diversions and substitutes for what we REALLY want, and what we deserve. Many of us get hooked into patterns of keeping choosing those who will re-enact the pain of a childhood we cannot even remember!

We call these co-dependent relationships. Many spend their lives here, and may die here, emotionally or sometimes literally. But don't be ashamed, this is standard in our society and you are not alone.

My talk at Holbrook House will examine some of the roots of dysfunction, look at solutions and provide some with a first step in facing these complex issues. If you are single, come find out what makes you tick, what turns you on, and how to make better choices.

I am in the unusual position of straddling both mainstream and alternative cultures, and have spoken as an expert on relationship addiction on Radio 4's PM Show.

The talk takes place at Holbrook House on Monday 26th November at 7.30pm. Tickets are £5 on the door, alternatively book by calling me directly on 07842 811487. There will be a 20-minute bar break, followed by questions and answers.


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