Jennifer Johnson Is Sick of Being Single: A Novel by Heather McElhatton PDF

By Heather McElhatton

ISBN-10: 0061461369

ISBN-13: 9780061461361

ISBN-10: 0061874426

ISBN-13: 9780061874420

A depraved comedy concerning the perils of constructing your goals come precise Quirky, smart, cubicle-bound Jennifer Johnson is determined. every person round her is getting married, whereas she's nonetheless unmarried and glued writing advert replica approximately men's gown socks. Her lifestyles hits situation point, launching her right into a humiliating and painfully hilarious quest to discover Prince fascinating at any rate. This comprises agonizing on-line dates, diet-clinic cults, drag-queen fights, and a debilitating dependancy to Cinnabon icing. whilst she meets good-looking, prosperous Brad Keller, she wonders if he is the reply to all her desires, or is he simply too reliable to be actual? Darkly humorous and outrageously sincere, McElhatton's wit shines during this no-holds-barred cautionary story approximately getting what you want—and the way it will be the worst factor for you.

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Some men do, especially if their mothers were that way. Maybe Brad has had his share of women who are people pleasers and sycophants; maybe he’s still single because he hasn’t found that sassy firecracker he’s been looking for. I wait in my car as long as I possibly can, my windows fogging over with my breath until I’m late for the plus-size prom dress shoot. I get up to my cubicle and wrestle off my hundred-pound Eddie Bauer parka. The thing is double-insulated, doublequilted, and double-stuffed, and will keep you warm in an ice storm, but it makes me look huge and it’s freaking heavy.

Ed not paying attention to her is tor­ ture. “Yes, I do, Mr. Keller. Would you like to play a match some­ time? ” he laughs and winks as he points at me. “You’re a spirited girl! ” “Mr. ” Ashley says. ” he says and knocks on the door frame twice. ” And he leaves without Ashley getting to finish her sentence. She makes a face after he’s gone. ” I ask. ” She nods. “That’s it,” she says. “Oh, and I meant to tell you that you really look nice today. Your earrings are killer and the pencil skirt really slims you down.

It seemed obvious, funny even, that we hadn’t dated before because, after all, he was literally the boy next door. I felt this hysterical thrill after we made love the first time, because I really thought he was the one. God. All the fights we had, all the jealousy, all the money I lent him. He was in a horrible indie rock band named Obscure Cold, which he said was influenced by both Soul Asylum and Prince, which I told him was sort of an incongruous concept, but 30 | heather mcelhatton he said I just didn’t get it.

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Jennifer Johnson Is Sick of Being Single: A Novel by Heather McElhatton

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