Get I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of PDF

By Dave Barry

ISBN-10: 039915650X

ISBN-13: 9780399156502

ISBN-10: 0425238989

ISBN-13: 9780425238981

A brilliantly humorous exploration of the treacherous kingdom of maturity through the Pulitzer Prize-winning slapstick comedian. a few humans may perhaps ask yourself what this topic has to do with Dave Barry, when you consider that Dave's struggled difficult opposed to growing to be up his complete life-but the result's one of many funniest, warmest, such a lot pitch-perfect books ever on that mystifying territory we name "adulthood". In hilarious, brand-new items, Dave tackles every thing from fatherhood, new fatherhood ("Over the following 5 years, you are going to spend approximately forty five mins, overall, hearing songs you're keen on, and approximately 127,000 hours to songs exploring themes resembling how the horn at the bus is going* [*It is going: 'Beep! Beep! Beep!']"), self-image, the conflict of the sexes, celebrityhood, expertise, parenting types, definite unmentionable clinical systems ("There is basically no cause to be petrified of a vasectomy, other than that: THEY lower A gap on your SCROTUM."), and lots more and plenty extra. it's a e-book of natural pride from the fellow one newspaper claimed "could develop into crucial American slapstick comedian on the grounds that Mark Twain" (South Florida Sun-Sentinel)...though, frankly, we expect they have been indulging in a few grownup drinks on the time.

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Additional resources for I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood

Example text

This was a toy that, by federal law, was issued to every American boy and girl who was alive during the Eisenhower administration. The Wheel-O consisted of a red wheel and a wire frame: The wheel stuck to the frame because of magnetism, which was a new and much more exciting force back then. To play with your Wheel-O, you tilted the frame so the wheel rolled down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, and so on.

With one exception, they have never been published in a newspaper. They’re longer than my weekly columns were, because I wasn’t limited by rigid newspaper length limits (currently seventeen words per column, unless they are big words such as “refrigerator”). This meant that, in writing this book, I was able to “stretch” artistically—to go beyond simply writing a few booger jokes on a given topic, and instead write literally dozens of booger jokes on a given topic. Yes, it was a lot of effort, but if these essays help you in some way—by teaching you something useful about relationships, or parenting, or just getting through this crazy thing we call adulthood—then I for one will be surprised.

Please! Waterboard me! Anyway, when the spinning class is over, the women often talk, and as you might expect, the topic they discuss most often is the technical features of their cell phones. Seriously, their favorite topic is relationships, defined as: What Is Wrong with Men. I have been a man for my entire adult life, and I have spent much time in male-only groups, and I can state for a fact that women think men are a lot more interesting, as a conversation topic, than men think women are. Sure, men will talk about women, but generally these conversations are brief and factual: FIRST MAN: Did you see that?

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I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood by Dave Barry


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